Episode 960-969

We were going to write this thoughtful descrip about how actions have consequences and things never go back to the way they were, followed by a long and cathartic rant about how epically Marian sucks right now and how terrifying it is that NONE of the characters on this show seem to think giving the woman you love emotionally abusive ultimatums is shit.

However, then Deniz broke us into tiny bitter shards with the sweater-smelling, so that never happened :(

Here's the thing about rock bottom. You hit it. It hurts. You take a look around, you decide you could hang out for a while. This ain't so bad, right? So your heart's in ribbons, but oh well. You can deal. You find a cave, you buy a red couch, you cover up the barbed wire and the shards and the bloodstains and splintered bones. You buy booze and get comfy, prepared to wait it out until Search & Rescue gets there and throws you a rope or something.

And then the ground crumbles. And you keep falling. And falling. And falling.

Hello and good morning, it's another beautifully messed-up day for DeRo and RoMarc! That storm of bitterness and resentment over Turkey has thickened quite a bit, with a higher prospect of rain this morning, but it's still streaked with these interesting lightning bolts of anguished deep feeling. In the eye of the storm, we have these two little clusters of misery, drawing closer together as the elements batter them from all sides... and oh, what's this? A little smattering of really tacky witticisms from our resident jokester, hm, well, some folks go for that sort of thing, but it's quite bad for the crops, really. Stay classy, jokester!

There's also a grim-looking father-in-law cloud moving in from the south, ready to deliver a talk... now that is an unexpected development, that cloud has recently done nothing but sit there and sulk and deliver ultimatums, but wow, there was actually not a drop of judgemental fail in that! Interesting.

This *could* mean that the two clusters will move further north towards Hamburg, but as you know, fictional Essen does have that quite unique meteorological phenomenon that prevents anyone from ever leaving. We'll see.

Tune in again later for updates, enjoy this beautifully dramatic weather, and don't throw stones at the forecasters or weather gods. Nobody likes a judgemental cloud.

Claudia DeVille sends everyone out looking for puppies, and we all eagerly go.

Well, except for those of you who're still hanging about the Centre lobby, ogling hockey players ogling each other and taking fic notes for the Big Gay AWZ Hockey Pornathon. You know who you are.

Dear Florian and Oliver: You know there's only one thing to do with all that angry, sweaty, yelling, testosterone-oozing UST, right? (Come on, Oliver, Marian is about to dump you anyway. You'll feel much better if you do it first, and you DESERVE that much.)

Dear Ingo and Axel: ...see above. (Ingo, you still suck and don't even DESERVE a celebratory shag, but whatevs.)

Dear Katja: Oh, kitten. Life's been tough on you lately, what with all the manipulation and tension and that godawful music. You DESERVE a break. C'mon, Tom and his "warm drink" will be much better relaxation than jogging in the rain.

Dear Claudia: We wholeheartedly embrace your sparkling evil and sneer in the general direction of any retribution you might DESERVE.

Dear Roman: We love you, you are right about the music, and we don't give a toss about what you might DESERVE. However, please, for the love of all things sparkly, indulge in a post-break-up frustration shopping spree and get a new shirt. Please.

*clink clink clink clink clink*

We can't compete! Maybe we can! Maybe we can't! Maybe we can! Yawn. Also ran: Axel's predictable machinations, MaJe - the pairing that only works when Jenny cries, Ingo's funny fart jokes, and Roman Wild trying to be optimistic (scary thought!). Apologies, peeps, for going with the crude "CUT THIS SCENE WHEN THE GAY BOYS LEAVE THE ROOM" approach, which we usually look down on and avoid. However, no "flow" and "continuity" nonsense on earth could compel us to sit through 3 minutes of Isabelle/Hallbach merely to justify 2 seconds of Deniz being woobie at No.7 (and srsly, a 2-second appearance in a full episode? What, was Igor hanging round the set on his day off annoying people until Klaus put him to work?) However, Show, we wouldn't be quite so grumpy at you for this random assortment of plot obstacle course if you let us have the contact info of that scrumptious, Thelma-esque new serving wench. Mrow.

Oliver tells Marian that Jenny will never change, evidencing it with events from the early 300s. Because no, people don't change. Your son is still in love with Vanessa, Lena's still cheating on Ingo, and Diana's not sure she'll ever go back on the ice. Marian, we're all for you seeking out relationship advice, but when you go to your rebound lover about it, you should know it'll be blatantly transparent.

In other news, Axel is an ass (SHOCKER!), Ben's confused (SHOCKER!), Claudia's manipulative (SHOCKER!), and Roman hangs around with nothing to do instead of crawling over either of his blinvisible lovers. Le sigh.

For the first time in weeks, there are distinguishable cuddle formations in the Igloo instead of just one big pile. Lil is bawling her eyes out over Roman in the elevator (you did apply mascara first, Schatz, yes? Good, because if you don't cry visible black-streaked buckets, it means you don't care), Aldi is on the couch with Deniz looking bleary-eyed and grumpily poking at the possibly sentient last slice of pizza, and Shelly has holed up with Marc in the retirement wing. We don't know what they're doing in there, but we fear for the fate of that train.

The brainthirds are, however, firmly united in our loathing of Ingo's utter berk routine (srsly, dude? This is what your friend gets for propping up your sorry arse with support and pep talks and commiserating nights out with Olga after your stalkerslut debacle?), Marian's well-practised, teenage!boy Jennyfail ("My toy made a noise! I don't want it anymore!"), and the serious question what on earth is actually keeping Roman in Essen at this point. It surely can't be the "friends" who have forgotten how he was non-judgemental and supportive when they were having one night stands and renewed feelings for wormy cherries. Unless he's staying for Keule...

Oh, right: stabby retrospective montage with a choice selection of exquisitely painful possible reasons to stay and, y'know, deal and receive more pain. There is that.

Still. Everything sucks and we're in a strop. Hamburg is looking tasty, you guys.

We are gutted about Marc leaving. Absolutely gutted.

To be honest, we didn't expect to adore Marc quite as much as we did. We were excited about the storyline and knew the second we saw Timo act that we had a winner, but then he started being all vulnerable and wearing his fucking heart on his sleeve and being the best underdog ever, and... yeah, *CRUNCH* He's gambled so high and is losing so dearly. The sheer overwhelming power of his love for this person he knows he should just put out of his head and heart forever totally broke us, especially his willingness to say, "I know you don't love me like I love you, but that's okay, just let me be with you and that's enough for me..." And to see that in an otherwise strong, smart, savvy individual just underscores how very much he cares for Roman.

So, yeah, in conclusion... we love Marc. (You may have noticed this. We may have been vocal about it.) We have ever since he strode onto the screen smirking and checking Deniz top to bottom, all "Hello there, pretty thing." We loved his giddy expression of scared but happy surprise when he pulled that cab around and decided to stay, for better or worse. We loved him for falling back in love with Roman, and falling hard (because hello, what sane person wouldn't!) We loved him for risking everything on the off-chance that Roman might choose him, even though it wasn't morally kosher, even though all the odds were against him. We loved him for being stubborn and sticking around even though everyone but Roman antagonised him madly for daring to stir up trouble for fictional Essen's dream couple. We loved his giddy enthusiasm over the ice musical, his smirky smittenness with Roman, the way he managed to turn him into a 17-year-old twink, the way he was there to support him when Egon blew into town, and yes, we even loved him for lashing out and being a scared, pushy, immature idiot at times. We loved how he didn't make excuses, didn't try to justify the unjustifiable, didn't back down. We loved his "respectfulness" *snerk* Most of all, we loved him for making himself vulnerable the way he did, for not giving up and slinking away until he knew for certain that there was no chance, because sometimes there's nothing worse than living with the question of what might have been, and who'd know that better than Marc Hagendorf.

MARC, STAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY. Roman, whatever! There are many many other guys on this show who need Marc's hands ALL OVER THEM, OMG. We want him to stay. We want him to get over Roman, finally and completely. We want him to do ice shows with Claudia, and seduce Oliver out from under Marian's unDESERVing eyes, and get served overflowing coffee cups at No.7 forever that spill on him, but he keeps going back because he's stubborn like that. And we want him and Deniz and Roman to finally come to some kind of peace, because we think they could (and not in a threesome, sadly that ship has sailed, but more in the way that Vanessa and Roman eventually accepted each other, because fictional Essen is a very small place). And we want Annette and him to become friends, because we think they'd be awesome together, her meddling in people's lives while he smirks. AND WE WANT THIS MORE THAN LIL EVER WANTED A PONY AND ALDI EVER WANTED A MANATEE AND WE HATE SHOW FOR TAKING IT AWAY FROM US.

Ergo, to all ye Marc loathers out there, if you want to celebrate today, go right ahead, as long as it's NOT HERE IN THE IGLOO. Take the party elsewhere, please. The Igloo is a woobzone today. We're having Pinot and foie gras and listening to Starlight Express and reminiscing about the good old times all day. All associates of the Marc Hagendorf Appreciation Society and Hassan Öztürk & Aldi LLP are getting companionably drunk in a corner. Tomorrow Is Another Day, on which we will happily throw ourselves into wibbling and angsting over DeRo and whether or not those crazy kids are ever going to make it. Today belongs to Marc.

Welcome back to our favourite director Christof Brehmer, and thus, an episode of rocking solid GOLD. Join us in our agonised glee at the broken trust, Deniz's rampant wallowing, Roman's rampant guilt, Flo dispensing Mama Wild's advice, Marian being awesome (WHAT? YES! we'll just keep him away from Jenny, kk?), Katja sparkling up the ice with velvety purple and defiantly non-classical music, Ben watching Katja, Isabelle watching Ben, and the triangle plot fairy cackling. Rejoice in the exquisite pacing! Roll around in the distinct feel of a new era starting without so much of a hint of lame soapy "Now that's over, let's get back to normal." Oh no, kittens. GBWI issues are REAL issues. Those bitches ain't going anywhere soon.

Also, Tom's eyes are apparently made of essence of glacial pools, desert skies, cornflowers, sapphires, forget-me-nots and other things too blue for blue. (Yes, this is important.)

OMG CHRISTOF STAY FOREVER PLS. (That basketball scene? Epic, loves, epic. More pls. We are sending cookies. And beer. We'll even return the bottles for you, promise.)