Episode 920-929

If everyone who's ever fucked up subscribed to the Roman Wild School of Apologies, we'd be that much closer to world peace. Just saying.

(PS: Not that we expect anyone to care, what with the TEARS and the NAKED, but the reason Isabelle is being all stroppy around Katja is that Ben was going to move in with Isabelle but then changed his mind because he didn't want to upset Katja too much.)

Aaaand after the epic win of Roses, Tears, and Earnest Communication While Naked, here comes the epic fail. ROMAN! You couldn't have taken a single look at Deniz' face and copped on that NO, actually, Marc can totally wait and instead of rushing off to be cuddlepounced by him, now's the time to shower your awesome partner in more appreciation and possibly a heartfelt rendition of "Your Song"? Gah!

Speaking of: To compensate for Roman's fail, there is MUSICAL KARAOKE. And Annette, Ingo and Oliver sparkle extra-hard (Seriously, Dr. Sommer, what's up with your recent fabulousness? Have you bathed in concentrated awesomesauce lately? Confess!)

Isabelle skates to a sinister score and throws other girls' skates around when she's upset. OW, what was that? Oh, just an anvil. Thanks, Show! Subtle as ever.

Meanwhile, trainer Roman notices when his skaters are off their game (she's had no breakfast?? omg, how is the poor child even standing up?), unlocks ice rinks after hours, and earnestly promises support despite the lure of ice musicals. MADNESS.

And Marian and Jenny are... pretty much where they've been so many times before. Guys, ditch the portable flashback rowing machines of doom you seem to be carrying around all the time! It'll do wonders for your love lives, trust us!

Today's musical suggestion: Can we have "Wicked" re-enacted by Isabelle and Katja? Pretty please? They clearly have a case of "Unadulterated Loathing" going on, and we'd so love to see Ben belting out "Dancing Through Life" while shirtless.

AWZ is going green today. No, we're not talking about Deniz's reactions to Marc here, but the environmentally conscious recycling that's taking place in our plots. A skater is injured! It's vital that she rest! She must take it easy! No training for two whole weeks!

But but but...

Katja, darling, please for the love of all things soapy, listen to Dr. Sommer. Two weeks passes like no time at all in fictional Essen just look at baby Alexander's growth spurt. We really don't want anyone to start looking at that empty wheelchair and think, "We really ought to do something with that."

Roman suggests a threesome. Deniz is willing to risk it. Marc kisses Deniz. Deniz kisses Roman. No one kisses Marc, but there's goose grease and champagne and talk of having a good grip on things and putting hands on rods, which will have to do. And Roman Wild attempts to make our jobs easier by cramming more and more English into his lines, which is very helpful because no one can be expected to pay attention to dialogue, what with all the other distracting stuff his tongue is up to. (We had high hopes for this descrip. We thought we might talk about fabulous undercurrents and tension and nuances of sly belittlement, deadpan resentment, AND ROMAN IN THE MIDDLE, but then the tongue action ruined it all. Insert your own depth and thoughtful analysis here, please.)

In which Mistress Show gives us an important reminder to be careful what you wish for. More shower sexytimes? Why of course, kittens. So long as there's plenty of freezing cold water to wash away those messy guilt stains. And what was that you said about a sex scene in a real bed? Here, darlings, take two. Just in case the cuts from the first one aren't deep enough. You did request a threesome, didn't you? *hollow laughter* Well, if you're sure you really can handle it.

Thank the stars it's Friday. The Igloo's supplies of booze and brownies have been seriously depleted and we need the weekend to restock and recover. Pommes, now!

Director Wolfgang Münstermann starts his block with this episode.

PS: Apparently AWZ was censored for the sex scenes between DeRo & RoMarc for this episode and had to cut several seconds. Oh, no big deal, surely that's happened any number of times with all those straight sex scenes that were more explicit? No? Funny, that! FAIL, GERMAN CENSORSHIP BOARDS.

In which Roman turns down a blowjob (what?? Roman!), the Box of Woe makes another appearance (it needs to be burninated stat), Superdeniz makes superbreakfast, the changeroom door has a lock (who knew?!), Roman takes a step back, Marc takes two steps forward ("respectfully", of course *chortle*), Roman shoves, Marc pushes, and the laws of physics demand that they end up liplocked.

All of which is fine and has us gagging for 926. BUT ROMAN. BLOWJOB! WTF?

Also, Marc, after the latest meeting of the Marc Hagendorf Appreciation Society, we decided we might need to discuss this obsession thing. Having special feelings for your first love is one thing; a decade of pining is quite another. Stalkerslut and Smarmian might've told you that sort of thing is romantic, but trust us, it's not. (For the record, neither are wormy cherries. Just in case.) Please don't get stuck in the past we want to keep loving you.

So the pressing question here in the Igloo: does Deniz know something's up or is he trustingly oblivious? Are his remarks about Katja's dream loaded or just concern for a friend? Does he really believe Roman's forsaken his Box of Woe or has he learned from the master the art of answering your own questions lest you hear an answer you don't want? Is he overcompensating by putting on his tightest pants and *that* belt and *that* tank whilst sticking his arse out to turn up the volume, or does he just really like that song?

These questions and more will *not* be answered in today's episode of AWZ, but it's sure to be a more interesting discussion than "why are they ruining our precious DeRo?"

Oh, and SOME STUFF ABOUT BEN/KATJA. Apologies for the ultra-abbreviated version, but since it coincided with yet another tidbit of Roman's past swanning into Casa WildTurkey (Hello Cheekbones!), we had to prioritise.

Roman Wild can't catch a break. Apparently he had a free slot in between "Fretting longingly about Marc", "Fretting guiltily about Deniz" and "Fretting frustratedly about career", so Show thoughtfully provided a sizable "Fretting bitterly about family" package to keep him busy. I mean, we wouldn't want the poor guy to get bored or anything. Thank god for Deniz and his endless supply of hugs and sympathy.

Elsewhere, Katja happily floats on fluffy pink clouds whilst Annette worriedly hovers just below on her magic carpet, hoping to catch her when she falls. (And girlfriend, you live in a soap. Trust us, you will fall.) Alternative description: Despite knowing that Ben is already in a relationship, Katja selfishly kisses him like the conniving deceitful homewrecker she is. Stone her!

Also, Florian! Welcome, Schnuckel. Come in, sit down, let's chat. Loving the bratty charm. Loving the cheekbones. Loving whatever delicious secrets you're doubtlessly hiding beneath. (Beneath the bratty charm, that is... we're fairly sure whats hiding beneath the cheekbones is bone marrow, unless Show is now embracing alien plots, WHICH WE'D ALSO BE OKAY WITH.) But, here's what: If Deniz Öztürk EVER starts to share details about his relationship with Roman Wild, the only acceptable response is to look riveted and listen. Okay? We don't care if hearing that stuff about your brother squicks you out. Take one for the team. WE WANT THE DETAILS.

That is all, scrumptious. Make yourself at home, feel free to mess up people's lives. Wheeee!

Wanted: Home for adorable stray with daddy issues. Bratty mouth, but good-hearted and highly trainable. Lovely cheekbones. Gets along great with other animals, including llamas. Will fix your plumbing. Gay caretakers welcome, as long as they can get over their GBWI-related prejudices.

Also needed: Relationships 101 manual for freckled skater wearing rose-coloured glasses. Requires special attention in the NEVER SAY FOREVER department.

We knew it! We knew the Undead were a threat to our fair city, but would anyone listen to us? Oh no, they said, you're just silly fangirls given to unfounded whimsy, seeing zombies and non-canon ships where they don't exist. Well thank god for Deniz Öztürk, ever-vigilant, who uncovered this evil plan. Zombie yoghurt, eh? Very clever. (Remember, sever the head or destroy the brain. Um, with dairy products, you're on your own.) Also? If there's such a thing as "death by gay innuendo," you've just successfully slaughtered your brother-in-law. Well done!

Over in the Centre, Roman and Jenny get their determined trainer faces on because the Essen Cup is tomorrow. Tomorrow, you say? Yes, tomorrow! Roman advises Katja to play through the pain, turning her broken heart into skating glory. Might this lesson come from his own personal experience? No idea. Meanwhile, Jenny shares with Aliciabelle the advice that's always gotten her through: Just beat that bitch.

P.S. Nasen? Dudes, break us with the cute, why don't you?