Episode 840-849

In lieu of house elves and robot maids, Annette and Ingo resort to battling on ice for bathroom cleaning duty. It's a procrastination plan worthy of EKP! And it would've worked too, until Katja's ice trauma rears its ugly head. Get ready for woobie flashbacks, adorable sisterly cuddles, and the reappearance of evil smirky mirror twin.

PS: Oh, and Deniz is injured, AGAIN. Boyfriend should consider pulling a J.Lo and start insuring valuable body parts

Jenny cries. We cry. No hot Turkish men come to offer us tissues. The world sucks. But at least we have Jenny skating away her pain.

P.S. Richard, claiming she took everything from you sounds strangely similar to L'Arse saying she made him an alcoholic. Yes, you're perfectly blameless, that's right. You just accidentally fell on top of that blonde cook's boobs. NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU, NOPE, NOT AT ALL.

Marian breaking up with Jenny is bad news because Marian is hurting? Because Jenny lost something good? Because trust was broken, tears were shed, heartache and loneliness was had by all?

NO, sillies. Marian breaking up with Jenny is bad news because now Jenny will train harder for her competition and poor poor Stella won't be able to keep up. Also, Jenny should stop provoking Stella. By... breathing? Existing? Being better at skating? Your guess is as good as ours. Stella logic is a scary dimension.

In saner news, Deniz makes the most of his Roman-less time by conspiring with Annette to shield Ingo from harsh reviews for his super-lame comedian gig. Better keep him away from this channel, guys!

Ouch! It was painful living through Ingo's comic debut the first time, but hearing it on the hour every hour? Just like Deniz, seems we've picked up Roman's headdesk, too.

And don't think we didn't spot that cell phone in your hand in that flashest of seconds that you appeared at No.7, Deniz Öztürk! An extended exchange of naughty text messages with sweaty-Roman-in-Oberstdorf is now canon. (Welcome to EKP. If an ep has no DeRo, we will twist its arm and kick it repeatedly until it howls and confesses that deep down it does, really.)

Meanwhile, despite Jenny struggling to even walk after an intense endurance session, Grandma insists she must play through the pain if she wants to beat Stella. Grandma, have you *seen* Stella skate? Jenny could take a fortnight off to go to the Maldives (oh hey, hadn't she planned to do that anyway?) and come back with just one skate and still beat Stella. Seriously, Show, WTF? First you forcefed Stella to us as the "audience favourite" and now you're telling us there are no other skaters in all of Germany (HALLO? DIANA?!) who might offer Jenny any real competition? Show, we love you, but please, there are much better motivations to get Jenny back on the ice than just to beat propeller arms.

/rant

It's All About Stella. The world in general and Jenny in particular are just rude and inconsiderate for not hitting the pause button on life until Stella has recovered from her umpteenth injury and is ready to beat Jenny (yeah, right). And Lars is clearly an idiot and doesn't know how to do his job, because his job should be to agree to Whatever Stella Wants. OBVIOUSLY.

Meanwhile, Katja dorks her way into the flatshare and Annette is about as subtle as a deaf T-Rex trying to sound Ben out about a potential hook-up with the littlest Bergmann. Alas, apparently Ben has neither received the YOU ARE NOW PART OF AN OTP memo nor has he heard the deafening heartbeats. Good for you, Ben. We'll just be over here munching on your leftover breakfast and indulging in some incesty sister shipping. (Hey, in the absence of our favourite Gay Boys With Issues, we have to make our own fun.)

Ingo's a dope and we wouldn't waste our time on this plot except Deniz showed up and we felt compelled. Word to the wise, Show: When doing a comedian plot, it helps to have some actual jokes. (Show is teaching us irony.)

Off to put Katja's woobie heart-disposing scene on loop. (The song's "Ich brauch dich nicht" by Sternblut, to spare you the asking.)

Our new favourite cocktail -- we call it Death By Cuteness. Take flatshare. Add Deniz. Slowly stir in Katja, sprinkle liberally with puppy detective work and relationship advice, add DDR and Nina references. Top it up with an extra-strong shot of shirtless Ben. Hit play button for limitless refills. Aaaaaaaah.