Episode 800-809

Deniz is happy enough being pretty and in love and earning oodles of cash (and making Roman scream like a girl), but Roman, inspired by L'Arse's needless primadonna bitchery, is sharpening his fierce competitive athlete bunny fangs and wants Deniz on board. Is that the delicious aroma of intriguing conflict potential we can smell wafting past our twitching eskimo noses? YUM.

Meanwhile, Jenny's involuntary involvement in Simone's scheme is discovered (of course) and she and Marian break our hearts. AGAIN.

As landmark eps go, well played, Show! Giggling boys! Banter! Scary L'Arse! Fraught MaJe! GAY GAMES! Keep it coming!

Gay Games preparations! Conflicting interests! A confrontation coming soon to a DeRo screen near you (one would hope)! Woooo.

Dear Deniz: Süßer, we love you. And we love that you love Roman so much you want to make him happy at any price but c'mon - not lying anymore includes not lying to yourself. And parroting Roman about how awesomesauce the Gay Games are while puppy-eyeing the shiny dance club tickets is not going to cut it. TALK ABOUT SHIT.

Dear Roman: Dude, we're digging the competitive fervour, but 1) it's not all about you and 2) read the subtext! "I thought you were happy with promotional skating" = "I thought you were happy with me", duh! Boyfriend needs reassurance, not pushy trainer mode.

(Don't change a thing, tho. Digging the angst!)

Dear Lars: ...are you being NICE? WTF?

Dear camera people: Your close-ups on wet/angsty/pensive/glowy boys are detrimental to our productivity. Keep it up.

Deniz, Roman, who? Meet our new boytoy, Ben (HAI, BEN)!

This is Ben Roschinski, Richard and Nadja's son, newly returned from art school in Milan, where apparently they COMPLETELY CHANGE YOUR APPEARANCE and give you a brand new body when you graduate. Mrow! (Ben's also Vanessa's ex. Vanessa, have you seen this boy lately? Are you coming back now?)

To our dismay, Ben is not currently a Gay Boy With Issues (although we cling to the hope that he'll turn out to be a manwhore and/or exact an elaborate revenge upon Deniz by trying to seduce Roman) so he probably won't be in our plots that much, but hey, we figured an introduction wouldn't go amiss. Especially one that makes both Max and Ingo drool.

On a more serious note, Deniz Is Gay Again. Because apparently your sexual preference depends entirely upon your current sexual partner. And you must fit neatly into only one box. Bisexuality is so untidy. (Honestly, we'd be less bothered by the label if we saw the conversation behind it. And by conversation, we mean with Deniz actually talking this time.)

P.S. We tried to get Aldi to translate Roman saying "Ben" as "Ben! You complete slut! I've heard from an old fling in Milan that you were shagging your way through the entire male population of Italy! Well done!" but she has integrity or something. Pfft.

P.P.S. ESKIMO KISS WHEEEEEEEEEEEE! JUST IN CASE YOU MISSED IT. WE KNOW IT'S HARD TO SEE. MAYBE YOU SHOULD WATCH AGAIN.

In which Deniz tries his damnedest to do everything right, and Roman needs to be smacked silly for being an utter twat. Yeah, we know. Mind-boggling, isn't it?

Certain People have told us on several occasions that we are way too nice to Roman. Well, Certain People should be over the moon to hear this:

Roman Wild, you are being a total fucking insensitive wanker. Yeah, you're intent on the Gay Games. Yeah, you're excited about them. Yeah, they may be your last chance, you're getting old, blah blah blah. WE DON'T CARE. ("Don't be such a wuss.") None of those things gives you the right to treat your boyfriend like a dog, a lazy idiot, or your little toy who's good enough to shag but now it's Serious Time, Silly Puppy. (And that line about the cute ass and puppy eyes WHEN HE WASN'T USING EITHER? Was so out of line that the line's not even on the same planet anymore, mister. The line has left the solar system.) That kind of shit is not on. Not when he's trying this hard to please you. Not when he's been working his ass off for your sake. Not when it's pretty bleeding obvious that he thinks voicing disagreement with you means you won't love him anymore.

Speaking of which... dammit, Deniz Öztürk, open your mouth and TALK. If there is not an actual conversation coming in the wake of this (a conversation in which PERSPECTIVES are shared, INSIGHTS are gained, UNDERSTANDING is forged and genuine REMORSE is had), EKP shall be Very. Very. Displeased. Don't drive us to fanfic, Show! (We don't have the time, for one thing :p)

PS: See that better vid quality? *collective bouncing* That's entirely due to the help of the lovely Martina, huntress of superior software and EKP's fabulous rescuer from hair-tearing and headache-inducing slow-mo vid flow. Please to be sending naked slaveboys, fluffy kittens, champagne, chocolate and strawberry tarts her way stat! *huge noserubs*

Okay, after picking our jaws back off the floor and scraping our embarrassingly gooey selves back into vaguely human shapes, we have decided the best way to describe our reactions to this ep is this:

Show is Deniz. Lovely, warm-hearted, earnest; sure, it's fucked up a lot in the past and made some hard to forgive mistakes (Rentboy!), but slowly but surely it's grown into solid gold over the past months.

We are Roman. Plagued by hidden insecurities and secretly certain that this thing's just too good to last. That there has to come a time when Show will turn this unexpected loveliness on its head and tell us that it's been fun and all but we're too tiresome and bitchy to deal with and it will stop being awesome and start featuring "Zoé and Celine - The Teenage Years" as its primary storyline. Like Roman, we're sure it'll happen. We see an ep like 804 that sets up awesome conflict and brace to have our hearts broken, because deep down, we just can't believe that 805 will actually deliver. And then Show goes and turns it all around on us, presenting rocking, believable, in-character conflict solution with a crooked, loving smile.

And we turn to goo.

Behold this episode, Eskimo hordes. There is TALKING. Holy mother of god, there is actual talking and listening and it's utterly brilliant. And there is understanding and kisses that dissolve into laughter and even an Eskimo kiss slipped in there to make this whole thing too perfect for words. And yes, we are all sniffly with joy. What the hell?

No one must ever find out about Richard and Celine's icky poolsex encounter, ever. EVER EVER.

Except for Simone, who saw it happen. And Deniz and Roman, who also saw it happen. And Marian, who heard it from Celine. And Jenny, Axel, Brigitte and Constanze, who heard it from Deniz. And Max, who heard it from Axel. And the entire Centre staff (plus pool cleaner), who heard it from Max.

But other than that, IT IS THE BEST-KEPT SECRET EVER IN THE WORLD, YES.

PS: Why stop at a buttsmack, Roman? Your boyfriend needs a proper spanking for being an incorrigible gossip. Go for it! You know you want to. You know WE want you to. Hell, you know HE wants you to. Deliver us from the teeth-grinding blah-ness of Celine's drama and Marian's double standards with a little healthy kink, we implore you.

Dear Marian and Jenny - yes, your turbulent back and forth with steamy make-up sex has been fun, but guys, it's starting to grow stale and smell of feet. Look into some other means of communication soonish, 'kay? (Apparently even our depths of shallowness have a bottom. Who'd have thought?)

Also, Lena's in trouble. Must be that time of... day. (Seriously, given the frequency with which this woman gets abducted, stalked, threatened, shot and/or almost blown to bits - and that's not even counting tripping over her own feet and nearly cracking her fool head open - she could give Lois Lane a run for her money. Oh hey, incidentally: LENA and LANE. OH HAI SHOW, WE C WOT U DID THAR.)