Episode 790-799

Welcome to Essen, home of every skating championship that we'll apparently ever see on AWZ. Roman's (ex) cabbie must be making a fortune shuttling skaters to and from the airport.

Also the place where everyone gives Jenny the cold shoulder because she will never, ever change, don't you know. She rocks the ice anyway, after splaying her heart open to Marian. Jenny, Jenny, why so awesome??

Placements are announced, and Jenny demonstrates more grace in her earlobe than Stella and her entire fawning circus brigade combined. (And yes, for the record, Stella got to compete after all and faked a faint at the end and then everyone pretended they JUST RIGHT THEN found out she has diabetes so she never deceived anyone and everything is fine now. No, we didn't include any of that. We're sure y'all are crushed ;))

Also, LOOK WHO'S FINALLY BACK! We're currently trying to decide if Deniz looks that gorgeously glowy because somehow that ridiculous shade of turquoise is making sweet passionate love to his complexion (go go go, Costume Dept.!) or because the past six hours were spent doing just that with Roman. Mrrrrrooowwww.

Once upon a time, Nina's departure would have been welcome - so many times, we begged Dieter to whisk her away to Eisenhüttenstadt. Then... something happened. We're not sure what, exactly, but somehow she won us over with her film-spun wisdom, her endearing "bitte bitte bitte", even her ginormous earrings that we once thought were tacky and now we think are... well, still tacky, but strangely sparkly, too.

And then, after all that, after capturing our hearts utterly, she goes and shatters them into teensy tiny bits, leaving them scattered like popcorn on the floor of a movie theatre. Have tissues handy for this episode, Eskimo hordes, you'll need plenty.

(The lovely Nathalie Thiede, who plays Nina, will be attending acting school in Berlin. Here's hoping we'll see lots of her on the screen in the not-too-distant future!)

Whoa! There's a bloke in this episode who looks awfully familiar - same doe eyes and dangerously luscious lips, and he towers over everybody in the same way - but there are WORDS coming out of his mouth expressing his FEELINGS about his OBSERVATIONS and his INSIGHTS. What is this madness?!

Speaking of madness, why does Stella have no money? Isn't she on the skating team? With a Maximum promo contract? Of course, if she's saving up to return to the circus and take up ringmaster duties, then by all means, carry on - we'll even do a whip-round.

In further absurdity are the two women who turn up their noses at the sight of boys amidst kinky belt and possibly breath play. You're not even trying to be realistic anymore, are you, Show?

Today starts a new director's block -- hats off to Jörg Mielich. Oh Jörg, I think we're going to be very good friends!

Run, Deniz, run! Run like the wind! Run before your newest tangle of daft deception catches you and bites you in your very cute arse, as it assuredly will! (Actually, if Roman gets to do the biting, you can slow down just a wee bit.)

Ahem. We were going to team up with Roman and Marian and give Deniz another lecture about QUITTING. WITH THE BLOODY. LYING. We totally were. But, you see... it's funny. And there are puppy eyes. And smitten couch cuddles. And talk of slings. And we are weak and pudding-like and have no morals, so... *collective Deniz-cuddling*

Also, Oliver has apparently replaced Stella in Lars' affections and Casa Wild (about to become Casa WildTurkey) is gonna be a big ole happy gay flatshare. We are, like, FIVE MILLION KINDS OF OKAY WITH THAT.

PS of linguisticky snicker: "Eggs" in German is also slang for "balls." Oh Show, you are too good to us.

Jenny calls Marian on his cowardly cowardice. RAWRness ensues, at least until Jenny gets tangled up in Simone's newest scheme against someone close to Marian... whossname. Blonde chick. Kind of useless. No, the other one. Cries a lot. CELINE. Whatevs.

(We tried to come up with a wittier description, but kept being sidetracked by Jenny's glowing skin. Drool-drenched keyboards are not conducive to whimsy.)