Episode 760-769

Hey, Ricky! Stuart Alan Jones called -- he wants his moves back! (come to think of it, Deniz has an awful lot in common with Nathan Maloney, except, y'know, for that whole being-in-the-closet thing).

Ricky, though being something of an arse today, also deserves a medal for being a prime DeRo enabler. (Hey, maybe he's Bulle and evil!Hagrid's long-lost brother.) And the FATHER OF THE YEAR award goes to Marian Öztürk , again! [Fangirling Turkish]

Also! Show, we must talk. You made us go all swoony over a sappy candle-lit romance dream. You're chipping away at our cynicism -- this is not on! Next thing we know, we'll have a Titanic reenactment on the rooftop AND WE'RE GOING TO LOVE IT *massive facepalming*

PS. It's so hard to focus when there's awesome flying about left, right, and centre, but Mike? YOU ROCK, DUDE. Drinks are on us!

I love you."
*bitchslap*
Oh, boys.

Yes, Roman, there's no faster way to get on "Fandom Wank" than to argue on your blog. Axel is busy collecting links and screencapping comments before they're deleted, while Simone's sockpuppets are fueling the flames. And they're both repeating their new mantra: GAY SELLS.

And Deniz, cuddling your proxy-Roman cushion is only going to get you so far. Look, your dad was just fine and dandy about the whole showersex thing, but now you're talking FEELINGS to another Öztürk male? You're on your own, sweetpea.

This is not the episode you're looking for. Come back tomorrow ;)

PS: How freaking adorable is Jenny??

PPS: Dear writers - storylines don't exist in bubbles. Yes, Deniz is adorkable propositioning his father with red roses and idiotic speed-dating set-ups, but HALLO, DUDE IS SUPPOSED TO BE PINING. And hugging his cushion. And/or plotting "how I love thee? let me count the ways" type campaigns. But okay, since you've been jaw-droppingly awesome for a ridiculous amount of time lately, we're going to cut you some slack and go with "Deniz is in deep denial about his feelings and is burying his pain with this daft plot and even though it doesn't look like it, HE'S PINING ON THE INSIDE." But don't make us do all the work again, kay? We're not used to it anymore.

Axel & Simone: "Your contracts demand passionate liplocks. As do your fans. (Have you read the message boards?? Some sick people even write fanfic!)"

Roman: "No, I won't, I refuse, I will not, under any circumstances, absolutely not, completely ridiculous, nonononono, okay-fine-but-only-because-I'm-contractu ally-obligated-and-I-won't-enjoy-it. AND NO TONGUES."

Deniz: *conveniently misplaces the "no tongues" memo* (Good boy!)

EKP's to-do list:

- Send baklava, fanfic, and pre-worn underwear to Male Function
- Enclose compiled YouTube comments as backup market research
- Cuddle Roman
- Cuddle Deniz
- Design Slasher Award for Simone (girlfriend is hardcore!)
- Bake chocolate volcanoes with gooey centres for Costume Dept. re: Jenny's sparkly minidress
- Buy desk for Axel
- Obtain copy of Extra Footage by means of swindle, blackmail, theft, coercion, scam, kidnapping, piracy, prostitution, voodoo, murder, or whining in a really annoying fashion

Deniz Öztürk writes a love letter. No, really. We'd snark about the odds of THAT ever happening, but uhm, actually? It's too damn lovely to snark. We'll just be hanging out on the Male Function blog with the other daft fangirls. Wibbling.

PS. Roman, you're heading closer and closer to 'strangulation by singlegirl96'. Better watch it there!

PPS: In our ever-expanding campaign to pimp AWZ's current AWZOMESAUCE, we've decided to start crediting directors for the individual blocks of episodes (usually around five) they do. So this week's block, starting with ep 764, was directed by Tina Kriwitz. SEND COOKIES.

Deniz's heartfelt letter floats away on a river of tears! Accompanied by the sizzling sound of, uhm... more tears! Falling on the quenched flames of love! Whilst bitter violins play jaded tunes of rejection and self-protection and... YES, OKAY, WE ADMIT IT: We've been borrowing DVDs from Nina :P

By way of warning... bring tissues. This ain't no soap for sissies, baby! We're here for the PAIN.

In which all is soothed and resolved, love conquers all, fluffy kittens frolic and joyous fairies toss glitter and rainbow sparkles... dudes, KIDDING! Haven't you copped on to what kind of (BRILLIANT, GLORIOUS) sadistic bitch Show is yet? Love is a handful of papery shreds. The kittens have been squished mid-purr. The fairies are dead. Time to start clapping and chanting "I do believe in DeRo! I do! I do!" or we'll never get anywhere.

Behold! Deniz Öztürk owns up to his mistakes. Jenny kicks ass as a training machine. Stella ... doesn't annoy us as much, wth. But really, just enjoy some cheesy trainig montages.

Show, you've been doing a fantastic job lately and given us precious few things to nitpick, but we must speak up about your KARAOKE!FAIL!! You got the set up just right -- Deniz moping at the bar, Roman glaring with the mic -- but you didn't deliver. Here's how it should have gone down:

Roman: *belts out Pat Benatar's "Heartbreaker" while firing daggers of cold hatred in direction of the bar*

Deniz: *takes mic resolutely for Abba's "Take A Chance On Me" with eyes fixed on an increasingly squirmy Roman*

Roman: *snaps mic away for most hate-filled rendition ever of Linda Ronstadt's "You're No Good"*

Deniz: *launches into surprisingly effective version of "Don't Leave Me This Way" (Communards' version, of course), even hitting the high notes in a way that makes Marian arch an uneasy eyebrow*

Audience: *groans* Get a room already!

But okay. Since there is extra-sparkly Roman and adorable Nina with her Axel woes and scorching hot MaJe, we'll make do with the boys' heated STARING.

AXEL CRIES. Because Oliver's not gay. (We know y'all are crying too.)