Episode 730-739

We have put up with Deniz Öztürk for 500 episodes now and OMG IT JUST MIGHT BE WORTH IT. This was the only thing we could agree on for today's descrip so here are our individual reactions:

Lilith: Eh, it was okay. I mean, if you dig Deniz and Roman laughing together and touching. And acting all couply and sharing longing looks. You know, if you like that sort of thing.

Shelly: For those of you who say we pick on Mike too much, we actually loved him today. Yes! Be shocked! We're shocked. Or we would be shocked if we could stop squeeing for two seconds and OMG WE FINALLY GET TO PUT DENIZ & ROMAN IN THE TITLE OF AN EPISODE AGAIN.

Aldi: What. What. What do you want? What are you doing here? What do you want? A witty descrip? For THIS ep? YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING US, PEOPLE. Just go and freaking watch.

For those of you just tuning in, show helpfully provides the revised (i.e. Vanessa-free) history of DeRo in five seconds of pensive montagey flashback:
1. DERO HAD WICKED CHEMISTRY
2. REALLY REALLY WICKED
3. I MEAN, LOOK AT THE SNOGGING
4. THEN THINGS WERE OVER
5. JUST LIKE THAT
6. NO REASON

Roman had a DATE. A what, you ask? A DATE. He can't go out to the clubs because he's too tired from his DATE. (Just in case you missed it, Roman had a DATE.)

Which is too bad for Richard because he totally ships DeRo. Or Dr. Hase. Or both.

Meanwhile at No. 7, Jenny does her best to seduce Marian with non-traditional cleaning clothes and prancing around in her nighty. EKP APPROVES.

Roman pulls Deniz's pigtails and makes us crave fries, the bastard. Jenny steals Marian's salami. And his cream. HAVE WE MENTIONED THIS SHOW IS NOT SUBTLE? AND THAT WE LOVE IT FOR THAT?

(No spoilers in the comments, pls. Any comments containing spoilers will be deleted without warning.)

Much to EKP's dismay, we've discovered that lying in bed yelling for Frau Scholz to bring coffee does not work.

To our even greater dismay, for some unfathomable reason, AWZ decided to intercut scenes of Greasy Max's angry kendo with woobie Celine (yawn) instead of Roman pressing his nose against the window to ogle Max playing with his kendo staff. We question their editing choices sometimes.

But here, enjoy Marian attempting to be gruff with Jenny but really revealing that he's got a heart of pudding.

Roman may never want to see Jenny again, but he can't deny that he's entranced with her legs. (So are we! And he's not bad either, all sweaty and cold-shouldery and self-confident.)

Meanwhile, could it be that Marian's getting through to Jenny? That is when he's not pimping out his own son as a stripper. (This would be the only reason we're including a Celine scene--it was too good to pass up!)

Brought to you by AWZ's Cracky Dream Sequences of Win: Jenny learns to say "I'm sorry", with varying degrees of success and a whole lot of entertainment value.

Also, we'll have to find something other than cookies to give to Deniz every time he does something sweet, otherwise he'll get fat. So much love for this boy lately!
(Shelly's alternative descrip: Squeeeee squeeeee squeeeee!)

"Oh hai! We're sorry, but the channel you're trying to reach is currently unavailable due to overheating. Please leave a message after the vid (Caution: Danger of random white-hot electric sparkage!) and we'll get back to you once our hive brain is functional again. Maybe. Possibly. Probably not, to be perfectly honest. The wires are all fried.

PS: Three cheers for Roman bursting Mike's hetero-normative bubble!!!

PPS: MORE FACE-IN-THE-SAND-POUNCING-USTY-HALF-NAKED FIGHT SCENES PLS.

Roman's sneaky ploy to avoid more delicious-yet-torturous Deniz-skin contact on camera causes more damage than he anticipated. But when he tries to make up for it, Deniz gets suspicious. DUN DUN DUN! Angsty eyeflashes ensue. (Marian, as usual, is a step ahead already. Here, Marian, you can hang out on our couch and watch as we go back to being the Gay Boys With Issues channel. You know you love it. Have some nachos.)

PS: Is the flashback rowing machine of doom broken? No one's had any anguished flashbacks on it in yonks. Remedy!

PPS. Nina once again reveals her awesomeness. Come join us on the couch, girl!

"Just admit it already, so I can kiss you. After we've showered together, that is." *prowls*

EKP: "Eeeeeeeeee, WTF ÖZTÜRK!"

Roman: *lies lies lies up an awesome storm of icy, self-preservative lies*

EKP: *incomprehensible wibbling*

Mike: "I am sparkly and slash-enabling. Admit it, EKP. YOU LOVE ME NOW."

Shelly & Aldi: "...we kind of do. Fuck."

Lilith: "Bah! Weaklings!" *makes obscene porpoise noises at boys in water*

PS: Stuff happens in this ep. We're sure it does. Fabulous, plotty stuff. Unfortunately we have no idea what because we got stuck when Deniz WALKED ROMAN BACKWARDS and they spent SEVEN YEARS STARING at each other's LIPS.