Episode 709-719

The episodes in which absolutely nothing
happens. This is why there are only three minutes in this clip. If you only knew, you'd thank us.

Deniz informs us he's over Stella, for real this time. What, you weren't over her yet? You sure fooled us. Oh well, now that it's official, Raki for all!

Also, Mike will soon be freed using Deniz's zooooopermodel skills. Dude is totally famous, doncha know! Page One! Mr. Popular! (Oh Show, how can you be so endearingly stupid and yet, we can't stay away.)

Meanwhile, L'Arse is suffering from a prolonged relapse into soberness. We worry.

Deniz wields his awesome zoooopermodel powers to campaign for Mike, to Greasy Max's dismay. Deniz is HIS little bitchboy and he's not about to let him forget it.

Meanwhile Roman Wild, heroic defender of naive maidens everywhere, selflessly offers to test Dr. Axel "Smarmy Git" Schwarz's heterosexuality. FOR NINA. NO OTHER REASON. Roman, your logic is flawed -- your mere presence turns everyone gay, didn't you know? Go "test" Max.

PS: Also, please note the lotion squirted on Roman's back. Ah, Show, subtle you are not.

PPS: EKP learned a new word while translating this clip: "Sesquipedalian." It means "given to overuse of long words" and perfectly describes Axel. Gorgeous, isn't it? Go forth and use it, lovelies.

Oh, this ep! Where do we even start?? Wow. Never in a million years would we have thought that a conversation about Baywatch could be poignant, intense, moving and lovely. Cheers for proving us wrong, Dennis and Daniel. SEVEN MILLION JARS OF AWESOMESAUCE FOR THIS SCENE.

Very Nearly as Awesome: Marian pondering the sneaky ways of Jenny's brain, Roman apparently having late-night chats with Deniz about Axel's sexuality, L'Arse getting physical with Roman, Nina being heartbreaking... seriously, people, this is not one of those eps that a snarky descrip can even do justice to. Just go and watch already ;)

PS: Unfortunately one of the finer points of the Axel/Roman conversation got lost in translation: Axel uses the formal address when talking to Roman, while Roman stubbornly addresses him the informal, more intimate way throughout the conversation. Only at the end when Axel asks him to make his excuses to Nina, does Axel briefly switch to the informal address too. It's vaguely comparable to using last names vs. first names in English -- the point being that Axel is keeping up the barriers of formality and Roman refuses to acknowledge them.

Axel's life comes crashing down around him, as does Jenny's blackmail scheme, and Nina faces some unpleasant truths. Nina, we've been telling you all along, go find Vanessa!

Marian comes clean about his involvement in Jenny's DIY abduction. L'Arse shoves him around. Stella flounces off. Deniz? Is mature, understanding and sweet about it. We'd say "Who the hell are you??" but the thing is... new and improved Deniz has been around for about 40 eps now and we're starting to hope it might not be a fluke. Good puppy! Have a treat!

Also, Juli leaves Essen and Ingo pounces on the chance to write her a goodbye song, complete with puns, rhyming, AND slurring, just to drive us nuts. By necessity, it's not a literal translation. Any German speakers peeping up with "but that's not what he said" will be discreetly disposed of. We hear Mike is good at making bodies disappear! ;)

PS: "Juli" is the German word for the month of July, for those of you who somehow managed to miss that last time ;)

In which everyone comes up with a Cunning Plan to best Jenny.
L'Arse's plan: Yell and accuse lots and generally behave like a boorish caveman.
Deniz's plan: Pounce on Jenny in the clumsiest ninja impersonation ever.
Stella's plan: Doesn't exist. Too busy moralising and being Sweet Voice of Reason.
Marian's plan: Get all these other morons a brain injection already. Oh, and tattle on Jenny to her parents. (Boo, Marian, you can come up with a better plan. Like taking her back to the cabin and tying her up again. She'd be out of the way and we'd get to watch. Everyone wins.)

(Alternative descrip: OMG PUPPY DENIZ AWWWWWW!)

Jenny returns from her spa break, looking gorgeous and filling EKP with lots of lustful thoughts. Meanwhile, the groundwork is laid for baby Alex's long term arc as a drag queen. Also, the Steinkamp's security system is woeful if Dulla can waltz right in. Where are the Dobermans?

PS. Nose rubs to KSuigami for Stella's wicked new nickname. We're stealing, hope that's okay! ;)