Episode 641-649

After overhearing Lars open up to our resident Mary Sue about his booze problem, Jenny conveniently remembers that HEY!, he used to do the exact same thing with her, and Diana, and presumably any woman who's ever crossed his path.

So she slips him booze. 'Cause nothing says "I love you" like an addiction and a bunch of therapy bills. Jennifer, we love you, but you're a bit wrong in the head, Schatz.

Also? Despite our frequent late-night binges, we're no experts, but does one sip of vodka (in MILK, cause that's totally not noticeable) really cause an insta!relapse? Seriously? Research is requ'd.

Jenny, your evil plan's working like a charm. Except, of course, for the part where Stella shows up first to find drunken Lars. And the part where Roman feels guilty for supplying the prosecco. And the part where Lars refuses to talk to you and throws you out of the flat. But apart from that, you're rocking the evil, sister!

Meanwhile, Smarmian works his smooth mellow moves on Annette, which involves scrubbing her cupboards and mocking her childhood English. What woman could possibly resist?

Ingo, wtf? Who cares about Smarmian? Annette who? Olga what? ROMAN JUST INVITED YOU TO SLEEP WITH HIM. After gripping your head and staring at you intently and talking about romance and come on, you so wanted to kiss him. It'd be okay. It'd be fair payback for having had to witness your wife locking lips with a wood worm. Come on, you deserve it. We deserve it. GIVE IN.

We had the best intentions for this episode - we weren't going to ship anyone needlessly or make anyone gay. But then Ingo admits he's off his game with women, Lars sprawls indecently, and Roman just smiles knowingly, and suddenly, without us even trying, we're smack in the middle of the slashiest episode ever to hit Casa Wild. (Nina thinks so too. READ THE FANFIC IN HER EYES.)

In other news, Stella... does not entirely suck.

Annette schools Ingo about running away. Despite the contradictoriness of first having yelled at him to go away and give her space and now yelling at him for... uhm, going away and giving her space... it's pretty damn awesome.

Elsewhere, Deniz schools Stella about being a mopey, self-absorbed twit. Score! Even more awesome.

However, all that pales next to Jenny and Lars and their continued slide into their tangled web of need and betrayal. There's a fantastic addiction story going on here, but it's not the trite booze-slipping plot Show is trying to sell to us (despite Tobias Licht's gritty and fabulous portrayal of same). The true gold here is the story of Jenny's addiction to Lars... a story that shows in brutal and chilling clarity what addiction can drive you to, the lengths people will go to if they truly believe they can't live without the thing they crave. (Perversely, it's also something AWZ excels at: succeeding fabulously at something they never set out to do, while the thing they DID have planned runs for the loo to puke up apple sauce.)

You may have noticed on occasion that we love Jenny. Maybe. We know we're very subtle about our opinions. ;-) Scenes like this are why - because Silvia Maleen has made of this character so much more than a stereotypical soap bitch. Is she nuts? Sure. Does she do horrible things? All the time. Is she a layered, intriguing character who breaks our hearts on a regular basis? Abso-fucking-lutely.

As I walk through the big top to the carousel
I take a look at my life and realize it's so swell
Cause I've been jugglin' and laughin' so long that
Even my daddy thinks my mind is gone
But I ain't never met a man didn't fall in love with
Me, resisting my wisdom, well you know that can't be
And when I think of Dead Mother you know I gotta weep
But I pull it together and dress up in green sheep
I really hate to lecture but you know I can't stop
Not even when I say I'm going back to the big top, fool
I'm the Mary Sue the little homies wanna be like
Meddlin' in the side show
And dancin' away my woe

Been spending most our lives living in the Circus Paradise
Keep spending most our lives living in the Circus Paradise

Hang on. Why is Stella an innovative and talented choreographer on top of being a fabulously gifted skater, a prodigy at hockey, an accomplished artiste and a professional dispenser of sage advice? Why does anyone listen to her? Why doesn't she get a severe smackdown for butting her nose into the choreographer's business? Why are we supposed to believe Deniz has the hots for her? Why does she deserve an explanation about Lars' private business? Why doesn't Simone have a handy trapdoor in her office floor through which bossy intruders are dropped into oblivion at the push of a button?

So many questions, such an utter dearth of answers. Hey, Lars, can we join you in your sepia flashback of woe? We'll bring cigarettes if you'll pass the vodka.

In which sweet innocent helpful Stella bestows gagworthy therapeutic advice (sorry, sweets, we don't promote emotional health on this channel!) because, would you believe it, she has a Sad Song just like Lars! Obviously they are JUST THE SAME AND MUST BOND. (Ow ow ow! OMG Show, please stop with the anvils!)

Later, Lars attempts to act on her advice but whaddayaknow, alcoholism is not actually cured via guileless fresh-faced circus girl therapy. SHOCKER. And Jenny discovers that unleashing the force of Vodka Bottle may be more than her obsession, er, blind stubbornness, er, SELFLESS LOVE can handle.

If you're seeking saner pastures, come join us in the office as we munch popcorn and listen to Roman and Jenny bicker adorably about how Roman needs to get laid and OH HALLO, A MEDAL IS A MEDAL! Roman+Jenny=BFFOTP4EVAH!