Episode 630-640

Jenny and Roman totally rock the ice, and the Dark Years fill with glittery sparkles of joy. And how irresistible is Deniz with his unabashed fanboy glee? Also, Roman and Lars clearly had a celebratory shag while Jenny was schooling mopey Stella - just check the mussed hair and disheveled clothes on Roman in the locker room. Mrow. Meanwhile, Stella compares Lars' wife to a heating appliance and interprets sympathy as an invitation for liplock. For a representative demonstration of our response to this, please refer to Lars' horrified WTF face. Cheers, Lars!

Annette babbles at lightning speed about dead plants and signs. Roman: "You're a bit mental, love." Took you this long to realise? Newsflash, Bunnikins: Nettchen's a Wonneproppen, but she's also a total spazzy annoying insane person. Wheeeee! Later on, Annette gets drunk! (So do Lilith and Aldi as they post this ep! It's called sympathising or sumpthing. Getting into the... hic... SHPIRIT). Some tall dude named Tom checks out Roman. Top. To. Bottom. There ish absholutely no *hic* doubt that brother ish checking out Roman. None whatshoeversh. And sherioushly... why wouldn't he? Tom/Roman FTW!! GIEF, SHOW. (Alas, apparently he's into Annette. TOTAL DECOY, WE SAY. HMPH.)

Elsewhere, Shtella shmellsh a shweater. (Hah. Hahhahahaha. Try saying that really fast five times in a row!) Apparently, shweater shmelling = TWUE WUV. Unlike what Jenny is doing, which broke our drunken, sympathetic hearts. Yeah, yeah, Show, whatever. Fuck you and your ham-fisted OTP pushing.

PS: We apologise for this descrip. See what the Dark Years have driven us too? Ahahahahahah. HIC!

In which Lars fondles Roman, Jenny goes a bit mental, and Axel delights in torturing someone with an even more pathetic childhood than his own. Who cares, though? Let's all go back to the part where Lars fondles Roman, okay?

Today in the exciting adventures of the bar troll and the circus tart: Stella just wants to skate! Broken record much, babe? And don't even get us started on why Dead Mother's Bracelet is worth €7000 - was it racking up the bills partying with Deniz? - or why Stella thinks she could get that kind of advance from her job picking up soiled towels at the Centre. If that's what the Steinkamps are paying, can we get in on the deal?

Meanwhile, Roman cops on to Jenny's scheming, but Lars holds out until he can confront her in the tub. We approve, Lars, we'd do the same.

And over in Nettchenland, Smarmian makes his first appearance. Mike is not impressed. We can't believe we're saying this, but Go Mike!

Jenny tells Lars stuff, presumably lies. It's hard to concentrate when she's all naked and soapy. In defence of Stella and her ludicrously overprized bracelet, Deniz attempts to threaten Jenny, with truly cringeworthy results of tool-headed lameness. Marian fares a little better... is it just us or is there poolside criminal masterminds sparkage going on with him and our favourite scheming Steinkamp? If it wasn't so ludicrous, we'd suggest these two should hook up ;-)

Lars does a little song and dance for Roman. (Yes, that's absolutely the only thing of interest in these episodes.) Oh guys, just go and shag already, will you?

Deniz and Stella have trouble forming a symbiosis and becoming one. Hm, gee, wonder why. Could it have anything to do with how hard Stella is trying to become one with Jenny's boyfriend instead? Oh, sorry, with her one true love, the man she's OBVIOUSLY destined to be with, total lack of chemistry notwithstanding. Ow, what was that? Ah, just another anvil. Never mind.

After Jenny's lame wallet-slipping ploy is discovered, Lars decides he's had enough of these bothersome females, but instead of taking advantage of Roman in his lavender shirt and ravishing him on the ceramic stovetop as any sane man would, he goes for his old love, Vodka Bottle. Odd chap, that Lars. Anyway, three guesses as to who's going to be meddlesome and try to interfere. (Hint: It's pissed off Costume Dept. enough to be forever condemned to wearing ridiculous shorts-over-tights and dead-lambs-posing-as-vests combinations.) Bad move, circus bimbo. No one comes between Lars Berger and his TRUE true love.