Episode 621-629

Oh, the freshness! The joie de vivre! The cheer that smoothes the edges of even Lars' crusty heart! After seeing her cleaning dance, can there be any doubt that Stella wants to skate?

Back at Casa Wild, Roman demonstrates a very different approach to housecleaning. It's too bad Dr. Axel Schwarz didn't walk in to see that. His conniption fit would've smoothed the edges of even our crusty hearts!

Deniz is very very depressed because Stella is in love with Lars. Because according to the rules of soap logic, that means Lars Must Fall Back, which means Deniz won't stand a chance with him anymore (even if he tries to highlight their tender bond of connection by showing his deep appreciation for the thing that's closest to Lars' heart, Vodka Bottle).

That's our story and we're sticking by it.

For some reason or other, everyone starts thinking that adding a hockey player and Some Girl From The Circus to a professional pair-skating team might be a grand idea. Lars, stop slipping vodka into everyone's drinks!

Oh, and Stella leaves. We'd snark about how sad it is, but girlfriend just makes it way too easy. It'd feel cheap and empty.

Roman, ever the voice of reason (except when he's being creepy and obsessive. Or on drugs. Or mopey about his age. Or a cranky, competitive ice bitch), awesomely schools Deniz on the dubious success rate of nineteen-year-old hockey players cum figure skaters. In the locker room. Alone. While getting naked. Okay, writers, 'fess up - which one of you actually went and read your old DeRo scripts and realised that 1) dude, these two used to date, 2) maybe we should start making them interact again? Whoever you are, have a cookie. (Just the one, though. Cause we just waded through a LOT of Dark Years that none of you will own up to writing.)

Green sheep. Dead mother's special skating dress hanging on the rack with the clown suits. More insistence that Stella Wants To Stay At The Circus.

See, sometimes we get too hung up on this completion thing. We want to tell the whole story in a cohesive way. But that means we end up including episodes like this one. We're sorry. Really, really sorry.

Think of it as a band-aid. A really painful band-aid that needs to be ripped off really fast. We'll be over here huddling under Lars hoodie.

Lars is a very pleasant flatmate, lounging around all broody and unshaven. Roman is a very good friend, being all listen-y and advice-offering. Jenny is (trying to be) a very good girlfriend, acting all sympathetic and apology-making. Vodka Bottle is a very devilish temptress, sitting there so intoxicating and whispery.

Anything else that happens in this episode is not worth mentioning.

As a star falls and Stella wishes for Lars' vanilla kisses, he does things she's never even imagined with Jenny. Later, Jenny gets her bitch on while Roman gets on his... teenaged girl? Apparently he's been spending too much time with Zoé.

Also, Stella, when Jenny says that your ragamuffin dress suits you, it's not a compliment, 'kay?

Deniz needs 18 times more practice than Stella because skating's in her genes, don't you know. Right. Let's recap their performance, shall we?

Stella: *falls mid-routine*
Time: *passes*
Lars & Co.: Stella, get up!
Audience: *checks watches*
Deniz: Stella, please get up!
Glaciers: *shift*
Stella: *gets up* *mugs for the camera*
Everyone: She saved that well.
EKP: *headdesks*

(Meanwhile, Deniz aces his difficult jump and somehow makes those annoying gunhands adorkable.)

In happier news, this marks the public debut of Lime Green Shirt, another shade that looks hideous on, oh, everyone except Igor, with whom it has apparently fallen deeply in lust and must fondle. We, um, can't blame it really.