Episode 610-620

Ingo tries to talk himself out of his stalkerslut fail. Ingo, mate, don't even. That fail's too epic for words. No words will do, other that "I SUCK LIKE A SUCKY SUCKY THING OF SUCK. SUCKILY."

Meanwhile, Stella is wounded and sad-faced and horrified because OMG, how dare Lars not like her? And how dare Marian be all cold with her for hurting his son? She is so well-intentioned and genuine, why do these silly people not see that?

Elsewhere, Deniz and Nina attempt to snog. In totally un-soaplike fashion, this does not result in drunken sex, heartbeat sound effects and teen pregnancy, but in five seconds of hilariously awkward liplock followed by the endearing realisation that yep, their chemistry is still below room temperature. (Also, "Kevin"? Bwahahahaa!)

From Nicole's Stalker Slut Handbook:
* Mine his past for details - forge a connection and show you "understand".
* Anticipate his every need - even the most basic things like food and drink show you care.
* Elicit sympathy - dead parents are a plus!
* Most importantly, don't take no for an answer - if he says he's not interested, just try harder.

While Stella takes tips from the master (and reveals that Mary-Sueism is hereditary), Deniz pretends to not care. We're convinced. He does, however, give Marian a long-needed talking to about exactly what godparenting entails. Marian, please take notes - you'll need them later.

Also, what's with Roman's "huh?" face when Nina mentions Deniz's name? Show, are you trying to make us start clamouring for a longterm arc?

The deadly sparkage between Jenny and Lars sets fire to the fry stand. Or stalkerslut may have been involved. Not Stella, the original one. We're not sure, it's all a little blurry, what with all the shirtless Lars and purring Jenny.

The fry stand burns and Lena's life is in danger because for some reason she can't just walk out the door. So now she's in a coma. Good old whacky Lena.

Lars and Jenny continue to commit unfair and illegal adorability. Also, we're pleased to see that our petition to have Lars appear mostly naked for at least 40% of each episode has finally been granted. CHECK!

And Roman talks... about... something... or... other. It's very difficult to pay attention when he's got his legs all indecently sprawled like that.

Woobie song montages(TM), woobie Annette and Ingo, and woobie - or would that be woozy? - Stella reeling in the wake of the Jenny/Lars chemistry. And just where do we sign up for "jobs" that will let us "work" while lounging and watching Ice Berger work out in the pool? We're ready to change careers.

Also, Lars moves into Casa Wild, requesting a bar. Can we add "naked flatshare orgies" to that request please?

In which Stella sighs a lot and looks hard done by for being expected to do her job. Yeah, yeah, it's a hard life you're leading, chica. All that support and adoration from everyone must be hard to stomach. Also, we're supposed to believe Lars finds her and Deniz intriguing on the ice. Lars? Try harder.

In happier news, Roman and Annette FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY make up, omg. Yes, she should've groveled more and ugh, that JL disaster is hard to banish, but... there are cuddles and matching purple sweaters and actual talking, and seeing them love each other again is balm to our aching souls, so yeah, we'll take that. We're not made of stone, okay?

Lars compliments Stella's skating. Not content with that, she badgers him for more praise. Even though she doesn't want to skate. Because she's going back to the circus. Once she's through lurking in the dark glaring at Jenny as she and Lars snuggle. Stalkerslut training is going well, we see.

But really, we're all just here to see Jenny and Roman rock the ice. Which they do. Hard.

Stella: I want to go back to the circus.

Marian: Mmmkay.

Deniz: No no no, you don't! Skating is your DREAM, your DREAM!

Stella: No, I want to go back to the circus.

Deniz: Lars, halp! She keeps saying she wants to go back to the circus but she doesn't really! I know this because... not sure why, but you gotta STOP HER.

Lars: Huh. Yo Stella, you're chicken.

Stella: NO! I just want to go back to the circus. Really!

Deniz & Lars: No, no you don't! SKATING IS YOUR DREAM.

Us: For sheesh, guys. Will you let the girl go back to the circus already?! PLEASE?

Behold this landmark! Roman stoops to acknowledge Deniz's presence, even going so far as to utter words in his general direction. Granted, it's just to taunt, but who's going to complain when he does that so well? (Especially since it's their first interaction in what, 90 episodes?)

Meanwhile, Axel and Nina both have a blind date. Independently of each other. With people they've never seen before. Oh, we cannot possibly tell where this is going.

Stella continues to mope, dissemble, bounce and bestow Sage Advice. Bored now.

Turns out Deniz isn't alone in having a rentboy past. Now we DEMAND that conversation just to hear Roman admit, "Well, at least you got money - I gave toilet blowjobs for coffee."

Marian's thieving past also rears its ugly but oh-so-intriguing head. Seems he's got connections. For, um, fryers. Which means that down at the police station, Sgt. Koch's got a gigantic file on him, filled with, um, warranties or something.

Welcome to EKP, home of the liberally interpreted backstory.