Episode 570-579

This week at the Steinkamp Sports & Roleplaying Centre: L'Arse plays the knight in shining armour, Jenny plays the wronged damsel in distress, Diana, Nadja & Annette play the evil plotting step-sisters. Cheers for keeping stuff interesting, Show, but next time could we have some costumes with that? (Costume Dept., we haven't had to overtly approve or disapprove of anything you've done in a while. Don't be a stranger!)

Also, EKP is celebrating the return of asshole!Mike, and not adorably assholey!Mike, but truly meanie assholey!Mike from the good old days; a Mike we can despise without giggling!

The amazing adventures of Deniz the Rentboy are back! In this installment, Rentboy gets his whoremobile and brags about how awesome it is to be a kept boy! Oh yes, Rentboy, we're all super jealous of you!

Rentboy also reveals his secret power: he can always get it up! (He just has to think of Roman's nipples.)

Anyone wanna bet that Marian longs for the days in which his biggest issue with his son was catching him on the couch with his boyfriend? Oh man.

In other news, the sun rises in the morning, people need to breathe air, and Mike is a dick.

Deniz discovers being a rentboy may not be all it's cracked up to be! SHOCKER! Mike is still a dick! SHOCKER! Lars is still running away! SHOCKER!

L'Arse tells Jenny some fundamental truths about herself. He's actually fairly spot-on and awesome, but of course his wisdom and insight might carry more weight if it didn't come from a guy who so utterly fails at actualising when it comes to sorting out his own shit. Oh, and who just totally abandoned his skater mid-performance. Twice.

Also, WELCOME HOME, ROMAN! Yeah, sorry, nothing's changed - Annette's still being a bitch and you'll be immediately sidelined to facilitate other people's plots, but uhm... WE'RE STILL HAPPY TO SEE YOU.

So, uhm. We're not going to be in any way unbiased about this. Just so we're clear on that.

Welcome to the worst introduction of a new character on a show ever. Welcome to the most ham-fisted, gag-worthy, badly expositioned, anvil-dropping first appearance of a character who - believe it or not - we were actually prepared to give a chance at the time. Welcome to the gargantuan perkiness, the hugely exaggerated good cheer, the sassy, street-wise, waif-like, kind-hearted,YOU-MUST-LOVE-ME-FOR-I-AM-S WEET-AND-LOVABLE presentation of Stella Coretti. Drumrolls! Hard-boiled, cynical alcoholics melt at the sight of Stella's endearingly dirt-streaked smile. Gruff Turks bounce happily and make Stella peppermint tea with one lump of sugar and three squirts of lemon juice. (Oh, by golly! How interesting and adorable, the way she takes her tea! What depth it gives her!) Bitchy skaters who have the sheer gall to demand to know why a stranger is snottily answering their crush's cell phone are clearly DERANGED! Grumpy-ass skating trainers and formerly gay former rentboys reform, become a new person and fall in love with Stella's dazzling, life-affirming spirit and witty circus charm. WITHIN HALF A SECOND. Acid turns to champagne. Rats transform into fluffy wee hamsters. The world swoons in awe.

Count us out.

In which we find out wee!Deniz used to do twirly pirouettes. Marian rocks. Deniz fails at life. As for the rest... [Lots of warning Turkish!!!!]

PS. We're taking up a collection for Stella's tent -- the sooner she gets the money, the sooner she's out of here! Anybody want to pitch in?

Deniz decides to become Ingo's physiotheorapy apprentice so he has an excuse to massage Roman's sore muscles. (Yes, we've been reduced to outright fibbery in our descriptions.)

Alright fine, really his daddy makes him do it and he whines and pouts until he finds out a certain blonde chick thinks it's cool. *eyeroll* We call 'em Dark Years for a reason!